I'm back from LA it was so much fun I got to ride my horse and play with my dogs see a bunch of friends and sleep in my bed. It was good to by back at home sweet home. I'm also finally feeling better too so thats a plus. The only bummer is that i'm really behind in Biology and Algebra so i'll spend the majority of my week catching up. Ugg School sucks!
We got in late so it was dark and as we came upon San Antonio I could see the city lights spread out ahead and it hit me. I was no longer the country girl that herded cows, drove tractors, babysat dogs, played airsoft for fun, went fishing with a good book, loved climing into bayous and swamps, or snuck out the window at nights to take moonlite walks. I was changing wether I wanted too or not. Although i love the friends i have made here in San Antonio and being closer to family I don't feel like myself. The season of my life that i knew for so long has ended and as much as i hated it when i was actually living in it, but now as i look back i can't help but long for it. I didn't have to worry about fitting in i was already out. I was a loner and everybody knew it. I spent my time thinking and reading not worrying what was on TV or where we were going. But no matter how much i want that life back i can't have it. It scares me to think that when we move here permanently i might not have my dogs which are my greatest posessions or not have my horse to ride and set me free. As i try to keep my eyes straight ahead i can't help but glance back and hope that they are as much a part of my future as they were of my past. The fact is is that....I'm scared of not being with them
1 comment:
Dear, I know how you feel. No, I was never the 'country girl' but about 1 1/2 years after we came back from Hawaii, I realized that I wasn't the happy-go-lucky, didn't-care-what-anybody-thought, run and play outside on the beach all day, hair-always-tangled kid I had been. I started caring what people thought of me, caring how I looked, not playing outside because I might get dirty.
We all change. Yes, we miss chapters of our lives that end, but, as someone once told me, if we never change--if our lives are at a standstill and it's the same thing all the time--then we become stagnet. And boring. So while we may long for chapters that are over, we can always live in the moment because someday, the chapter that we're standing in will end, and if we're too busy looking backward at the one we left, then the page will turn and that chapter will be over before we had time to enjoy it.
Just a thought. Sorry it was so long! Love you!
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